Living Like a Disaster
by stiffkittens101
Summary: While Shilo is visiting Mag's grave, another ghost from the singer's past appears and tells her of the wrong she's done. Based off the song "Strawberry Gashes" by Jack Off Jill


_Another one-shot. This is partially based off a dream I had and partially just another excuse to write another song-fic. Before you read this, you should know it's pretty depressing. However, I do give some hope at the end. So here it is. I hope someone out there likes it. _

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own Repo! The Genetic Opera nor do I own the song "Strawberry Gashes" by the artist, Jack Off Jill._

Living Like A Disaster

Shilo waited until after dark and until the large crowd dispersed before she finally came out of her hiding spot. She wrapped her jacket tightly around herself and slowly walked to the gravestone. She kneeled down to read the enragement on the large stone.

_**"Here Lies, Magdalene "Blind Mag" Defoe. The Voice of a Generation. She will be remembered. R.I.P"**_

Shilo frowned. Mag's death along with her funeral had been broadcasted all over the world and yet her gravestone seemed to be but for an ordinary person. After the opera, Shilo had found out that Mag's body had been carried away. The blood had been cleaned from her body and she was dressed in a long, black velvet gown. It was a formal funeral with a sermon and eulogy delivered by none other than Amber Sweet. This surprised Shilo because although she had only met the heiress once, the woman seemed to express a deep dislike for her godmother. Yet there she was, organizing a proper burial for the fallen singer. Shilo figured it was to appease the public. It was true, Mag had worldwide fans and they would be angry if their fallen singer wasn't paid any respect. Shilo decided not to take part instead watching the funeral from afar and catching a glimpse of Mag before they buried her into the ground. She had looked as beautiful as always and strangely peaceful.

She recalled when Mag came to visit, offering her words of wisdom passed on from her own mother: "chase the morning". Mag had told her that integrity and honesty was important and to try to live her life to fullest. When she heard the news that Mag was to be repossessed, Shilo couldn't believe it. Mag had been her idol since she was very young and saw her as strong and powerful women who could control the world with but her voice. The thought of Mag dying had never occurred to Shilo. Yet there she was, gazing on at her tombstone, wishing that it weren't true. In but one night, Shilo had lost everything.

As Shilo continued to gaze down at the ground, it had begun to rain. She barely even noticed until someone came up from behind and held an umbrella over her small body. Shilo looked up to find a young woman she had never seen before. Startled, she rose up and stumbled backward.

"Who are you?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't want you to get wet. You might catch a cold."

Shilo raised her brow at the stranger. She had long dark hair and was wearing a long black trench coat. She also wore a headband with a veil that covered one eye. "Who are you?" she asked again. "Why are you here?"

"My name is Roselyn. I came here to pay respects to my sister."

"Sister?"

Roselyn nodded and gestured to Mag's gravestone.

Shilo's eyes widened. "Hold on a second, you're Mag's sister?"

Again Roselyn nodded. "I am. You must be Shilo."

"How do you know me?"

"Everyone knows you, dear. Your story was broadcasted immediately after my sister's death." The tone of her voice seemed almost irritated. "Now may I ask why are _you _here?"

Shilo gulped. "Mag was my godmother." She didn't expect the woman to believe her but she was honest nonetheless.

Roselyn tilted her head, clearly confused. "Goddaughter but how can that be? Unless…Oh, God. You're Marni's daughter aren't you?"

"Yes, Marni was my mother's name. You didn't know about me?"

"I knew that Marni had a child but Magdalene told me the child had died. I can't believe I didn't see it before. You look just like her."

"Did you know my mom?"

"I knew her briefly. Before my sister had become famous."

"I didn't know that Mag had a sister."

Roselyn sighed and looked to the ground sadly. "Of course you didn't. Maggie was probably too ashamed to talk about me."

Shilo frowned at Roselyn's expression "I'm sorry but I don't understand. You see, I only met Mag once on the night of the opera. She came to my house that night and explained that my dad told her that I died along with my mom. She never even knew I had existed."

Roselyn looked up and eyes lit up for a moment. "I see. So you and her were never close?"

Shilo shook her head. "No. I had no idea of her relation to me or my parents."

"That's a shame. I bet she would have loved you and you would have loved her."

"You said that you knew my mom, did you know my dad?"

Again, Roselyn frowned. "Not at all. In fact, I lost touch with my sister shortly after she signed her contract with GeneCo."

Shilo shivered. "But why?"

Roselyn sighed. "Let me give you some background of Magdalene's past but first let's get out of this rain." She put the umbrella over Shilo and they began to walk away.

"Wait a minute." She handed Shilo the umbrella as she opened her coat and pulled out a single white rose. She kneeled down and kissed it before she laid it on Mag's gravestone. "I love you, Maggie." She whispered. She then rose up and they both took one last look before leaving the dreary graveyard.

* * *

><p>They ended up stopping at a small diner. "Thank you for this." Said Shilo before she took a sip of her hot chocolate.<p>

Roselyn gave her a small smile. "It's no problem at all. I figured something hot to drink would warm you right up."

"Will you tell me about Mag now?"

Roselyn nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "She had been born first but some reason she was always the one who was more fragile. She was the one born blind and my eyesight was perfectly fine, but I suppose that's genetics for you. Anyways, I guess I never really understood her disability. Because I was the younger one, I had looked up to her. Then when I turned ten, I began to notice how different we really were. I couldn't understand how my intelligent and beautiful sister could be so sad all the time. I heard her cry at night and did my best to try and comfort her. She smiled at me and pet my hair but I could tell she was still unhappy."

Shilo frowned. "Go on."

"Then one night, I woke up to find the light in the bathroom, creeping from the crack of the door. I walked inside and was horrified to find my big sister slashing at her wrists. She looked so unbelievably pale and her arms were bleeding like strawberry gashes."

_Turn her over  
>A candle is lit, I see through her<br>Blow it out and save all her ashes for me_

_Curse me sold her  
>The poison that runs it's course through her<br>Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over_

_Watch me fault her  
>You're living like a disaster<br>She said kill me faster  
>with strawberry gashes all over<em>

Shilo's eyes widened in shock. "Why would Mag hurt herself?"

"That's what I wondered too. I screamed and woke my parents. I still remember the ambulance driving her to the hospital and crying my eyes out, fearing for her life. That's when my parents explained that some kids at school had been bullying her and she just couldn't take it anymore. They didn't tell me because I was so young and they didn't want me to worry."

_Called her over  
>and asked her if she was improving<br>She said "feels fine" it's wonderful, wonderful here_

"After they released her from the hospital, my parents sent Mag to an all girl school in hopes that she could make some friends. They had also hired a private therapist for her that met her at school. I missed her so much while she was gone. I wrote to her every week and called whenever I could. Because it was a private school, she limited on communication. When I finally got the chance to speak with her, I asked her if she was improving and she responded that she felt fine and that her new school was wonderful. I still had my doubts though and begged that she visit for the holidays. She agreed, saying that she missed me and would be back in no time. When she arrived, she had also brought along her new friend, Marni, your mother."

Shilo nodded and urged her on.

"Marni seemed nice enough and Magdalene really seemed to enjoy her company. I then noticed a change in Maggie. She seemed more confident and definitely happier. I should have been glad that she was alright and I was; but, I was also overcome with a new emotion I had never felt before: jealousy. I was jealous of Marni taking so much up of my sister's time and I was jealous of all the attention Magdalene was receiving from everyone else. I guess with her being away for so long, I had gotten so used to being the center of attention. Things were starting to change and I didn't like it. Are you sure that you want me to continue? It doesn't get much happier from here."

Shilo nodded. "Please." Although she didn't like where this story was going, she felt that she needed to know.

"Alright. So, the friendship between my sister and you mother continued to grow. Marni was constantly over during the holidays and I started to feel like our family was taking to her all to well. Please don't any offense this, Shilo. I had nothing personal against your mother per say. I was just jealous. I had other friends but none of them and I had the kind of the connection she and Mag had. In my bitterness, I spread a horrible rumor."

"What did you do?"

"I did something that I'm so ashamed of. I still can't believe that they ever forgave me for it. I told everyone that I suspected Mag and Marni of being more than friends. My conservative mother was horrified and when she confronted them about it, so were they. They begged and begged her to understand that they were just friends, best friends, and almost like sisters. Eventually, I told my mother the truth and I could tell that Maggie was heartbroken that I would even tell such a lie."

Shilo could do nothing but frown. She didn't know whether to be angry at the woman sitting across from her or to feel sorry for her.

"I think what upset me most of all was when after my parents had died, she looked to comfort not from me but from Marni. I was heartbroken. I was her sister, and she was the older one. It should have been _her _comforting _me_, not seeking it out from someone else. The heartache turned into anger and then just bitterness. Bitterness towards everything and everyone. My parents left the house to my sister and I often avoided her by going out and partying with my friends. She usually stayed at home and looked after the house. One day, she received a call from Marni asking her to come and visit the city for a few weeks. Magdalene gladly accepted and asked if I wanted to go but I refused. A week later after she left, she called me to tell me the news of her eye surgery. I wasn't sure how to feel. Happy that she would finally be able to see or angrier still that it was Marni's eyes being donated to her?"

"Wait a second. Her eyes used to belong to my mother?"

Roselyn nodded. "Yes."

"But how can that be? I mean, my mom didn't go blind after that."

Roselyn shook her head. "GeneCo took your mother's eyes and modified them for Mag, putting in all the special features like her advanced corneas. They also provided new eyes for your mother minus the enhancements."

"Why did Mag get her eyes like that anyhow? Why didn't she just get normal eyes?"

_Hex me told her  
><em>_I dreamt of a devil that knew her  
>Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over<em>

"I wondered the same thing. I think it was because Rotti already had plans for her as his singer and he wanted someone with very unique features. I always felt something was off about that man. I never met him personally but I always opposed his company and what he stood for. Anyways, sure enough, after the surgery, Maggie came home. She loved her new eyes and told me about the contract she was offered. She raved on about the generosity she received from both the company and from Marni. I don't know why exactly but something inside of me snapped that day. I couldn't take it anymore. It was always about Marni. I was sick of it and I told my sister so.

_Watch me fault her_

_You're living like a disaster_

_She said kill me faster_

_With strawberry gashes all over, all over_

Flashback

**"Marni, Marni, Marni. That's all you ever talk about isn't it? I'm starting to wonder if what I said back then about you two was true."**

**"Don't start with me, Rosie. Marni has been nothing but nice to you. Why are you always so mean to her?"**

**"Why does she have to be involved with everything you do? Face it, Mag, you do whatever she tells you. She was the one who suggested you get the damn surgery wasn't she and that you take her own eyes. How convenient."**

**"What Marni did was noble and generous! I'm sure you wouldn't have given me your eyes!"**

**"That's not fair! You know how I feel about GeneCo! They repossess people's organs for Christ's sake! Now you want to sign a contract with the owner of that company? They're going to brainwash you!"**

**"Why can't you just be happy for me? You know that a singing career has always been my lifelong dream. Why can't you just support me?"**

**"I have supported you! I've supported you on that and many other things throughout our lives but ever since you got back from that school, you changed Maggie! It's like I don't even know you anymore! I've lost you!"**

**"No, Rosie. I may have changed but so did you. You were the one who started ignoring me. You never lost me, you gave me away."**

End Flashback

_I lay quiet  
>waiting for her voice to say<br>"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"_

"I'll never forget what she said. I was speechless. After that, she moved into the city and her I spoke less and less. Eventually we broke contact all together."

_Scold me failed her  
>If only I'd held on tighter to her<br>Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me_

Shilo felt so empty and she imagined that Roselyn felt the same way. How could two people with such a strong connection just fall apart? Was life really that cruel?

"I'm sorry for bringing all of this upon you, Shilo. I guess I just needed someone to vent to."

"Its okay, I understand."

"Do you know what my biggest regret is Shilo? All along, she had been right, I did give her away. I let myself drift away from because of my bitterness and jealousy. I should have been there for her. I should have been there to support her every step of the way. If only I'd held on tighter, she wouldn't have plucked her eyes out. She might have been still alive today."

_Watch me lose her  
>It's almost like losing myself<br>Give her my soul  
>and let them take somebody else get away from me<br>_

Shilo was speechless, staring at her empty mug. Suddenly she felt Roselyn's hands over her own. She looked up and the woman was giving her a firm expression.

"Listen to me, Shilo. I know that you and I just met but I want you to listen to my advice. Keep your loved ones close to you. No matter what you feel, no matter how upset they may make you, always hold on tight."

That's when Shilo begun to cry.

"What's wrong, Shilo? Did I say something wrong?"

Shilo withdrew her hand. "Didn't you see the opera? I don't have any family. Everyone I've ever loved is dead."

Roselyn's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry, Shilo. I didn't realize. God, I'm so stupid. I can't do anything right, can I?" She too began to cry.

_Watch me fault her  
>You're living like a disaster<br>She said kill me faster  
>with strawberry gashes all over all over me<em>

Shilo looked at her through weepy eyes and could see how broken they both were. She wondered, could two broken people mend one another? She wiped her eyes and reached for the woman's hand again.

"Hey, Roselyn. Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Please stop crying."

Roselyn looked up. Shilo gave her a reassuring smile. Roselyn was amazed. "You know, you remind me so much of her."

"You mean my mother? Yeah, I know. I get that a lot."

"No, not Marni. I meant my sister."

"I remind you of Mag?"

"Very much so."

Shilo thought back to everything Roselyn just told her. "Is that a good thing?"

Roselyn squeezed Shilo's hands and smiled. "Trust me, it's a great thing."

Shilo returned the smile. "You'll get through this, Roselyn."

"You really think so?"

Shilo nodded. "We both will. Together."


End file.
